Memorials and Markers

Today is Memorial Day in the U.S. It's a day when we memorialize and remember those who have given their lives in service to our country.

I've visited Arlington National Cemetery often. The image that we typically associate with Arlington is one of rows upon rows of white markers identifying those who are buried there. As I think about Memorial Day today and the markers that we set up in life to remind ourselves of important events and people, I'm reminded of how the two types of markers overlap.

Memorial Day is itself a type of marker. It marks a day of remembrance for those who have died in service to this great nation. It stands year after year as a reminder, and recalls to the forefront of our minds the actual cost of freedom.

We all have markers in our lives to remind us of important people and events - birthday's anniversaries, holidays, etc., but I often wonder if the larger markers like this Memorial Day serve to remind us of the smaller markers like the white ones in Arlington National Cemetery? Of all days, today is a day to remember the white markers.

Keep Your Freakin' Promises

If you promise me that you're going to do something, do it. If you promise me you're going to be somewhere, be there. If you promise me you're doing to deliver, deliver.

Don't blow smoke. Give it to me straight, and keep your word. Why?

Because if you don't, I'm going to tell people the truth. You didn't keep your word. You don't keep your promises. You're not dependable.

I get it. I know that stuff comes up, plans change, life happens, and I can give a lot of latitude for life circumstances, but if you promise a kid that you're going to be at their piano recital or promise a friend that you're going to be there when they come out of surgery, you had better damn well be there. If you decide to go get a facial instead, I'm going to rat you out. Deal with it. It's your screw up and you're responsible for cleaning it up, not me.

Keep your freakin' promises. It's a start to keeping your integrity.

I Love It When Old People Talk Trash

So, I'm sitting in a restaurant recently and the table directly across from me is populated by three senior citizens. They've been there for a while and are enjoying a leisurely breakfast and some conversation together.

A couple in the far corner of the restaurant has finished their meal. They get up, pay for the meal, leave the restaurant, and walk out into the parking lot.

The old people at the table across from me immediately go into gossip mode. They talk trash about this couple for five minutes straight, only pausing to take another bite of eggs or bacon. Nothing is off limits - clothes, accessories, car. Every small detail of their lives is critiqued and criticized by these seniors.

Now, I love it when old people talk trash. For starters it's just funny. You find yourself pondering the same question I pondered as I observed this particular exchange. The question goes something like, "Really, let me get this straight, you're going to talk trash about this couple because of the way they look and what they drive? Did you look in the mirror this morning? Your pants are tucked into the mismatched socks that you put on before heading out in your orthopedic shoes to drive your '76 Cadillac to the local restaurant, but you feel good enough about your appearance to talk trash about these two?" Second, you realize that they don't mean any harm by it, it's just a way to socialize with one another, and they've probably earned the right to be politically incorrect because of their years.

What do we learn when old people talk trash? We learn that it's actually pretty refreshing to accept the comedy and political incorrectness that only the old seem to be able to get away with. If only we could all be a little bit off our rockers...

Charity

"Charity is a virtue of the heart, and not of the hands." - Joseph Addison

"He is truly great who hath a great charity." - Thomas a Kempis

"Every charitable act is a stepping stone towards heaven." - Henry Ward Beecher

To be charitable is to give and give abundantly, even if it means exceptional personal sacrifice for the giver. The interesting thing about charity is that we all have been the recipients of someone's charity along the way, yet we can choose to be charitable or not. How can we refuse charity to those around us when we've been the recipients of charity that others have extended to us? It's hypocritical to refuse to extend charity. Everyone I know has experienced the charity of someone else who has given out of personal sacrifice so that the recipient might be better off. Charity truly is a virtue of the heart.

"Cornelius, your prayer has been heard, and your acts of charity have been remembered in God's sight." - Acts 10:31

...But She Has a Great Personality...

Personality matters. In fact, personality matters more than many other character attributes or physical traits. I travel all over the world, and I get to see lots of different personalities.

Yesterday I boarded a plane in Dallas. The lead flight attendant was a super cute blonde about 5'10". She was bubbly and welcoming, and I was expecting an enjoyable hour of flight time in her section.

Here's the thing, also sitting in her section were two elderly people with hearing loss and a passenger commonly referred to by the airlines as an unaccompanied minor, a six yer old girl who was traveling alone. Cute blondie got increasingly frustrated when the older couple couldn't hear her ask for their drink order, and she completely ignored the kid for the entirety of the flight. Cute blondie ended up being not so cute after all.

Personality matters. Good looks, killer talent, and other superficial stuff won't carry you forever. The essence of who you are at your core is how people will remember you. Cute blondie would have been way cuter and way cooler with the addition of a great personality.

Mind Shift

We live in a world where action is king. We talk about living active lifestyles while we juggle a multitude of activities on our calendars. We are all about doing stuff.

What does this produce in our society? I would submit that it produces stress, fatigue, and exhaustion. We are so consumed with doing stuff that we don't have any time left in our schedules for rest, and we certainly don't have time to respond to anything that's unplanned.

The alternative is to go minimalist - reclaim time, space, and money. Live with margin. Shift your thinking. Experience a mind shift.

Bad Days

We all have bad days. They come in a variety of shapes and sizes. Sometimes they start out bad. Other times one specific event can turn the tide. Yesterday I went through the day battling. For most of the day I couldn't figure out if it was going to be a good one or a bad one, and I mustered everything I had within me to try and force it to be good. At the end of the day I failed.

We're all going to have good days and bad days. We have to respond to both in ways that are appropriate and measured. When hell comes at us in waves, we have to find ways to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and have a better tomorrow. If we succumb to the bad days we just perpetuate them for others around us. We have to rebound, recover, and move on.

Tomorrow is a new day.

The Social Watering Hole

I love going to the pool. Where else can you find good looking people, great weather, and plentiful opportunities for conversation. I've had some of my best conversations poolside. Something happens when you put people in pool chairs in close proximity to one another. You really have no option but to start talking to one another, or you end up looking foolish. I mean, if you're going to choose to voluntarily lay half naked next to a complete stranger while sweating under the heat of a blazing sun, you have to at least be receptive to conversation. Many of those random conversations have been some of my best.

What's your social watering hole? Is it the pool, campground, restaurant? What places do you frequent that put you in close proximity to complete strangers and force you to acknowledge them? Are you open and receptive to conversation, or are you content to ignore the people around you. What kind of life impact do you have in the lives of complete strangers? How many strangers are you converting to friends?

Here's to the benefits of having a social watering hole.

The Most Valuable Soldiers

Who are the most valuable soldiers in the army?

Don't ask anyone in the military this question. Enlisted personnel and non-commissioned officers will always say that they are the most important, that they make up the heart, soul, and backbone of the military, and that they are the most valuable because they sacrifice the most by being on the front lines day after day. Officers will give you one of two answers. They will either say that they are the most important because of their strategic importance and ability to see the big picture and respond with intelligent military offensives, or they will tell you that it's the little guy that counts, the private in the trenches who is the building block of the army. One of these responses is nothing more than well crafted PR. I'll let you decide which.

They're all wrong. The most important and most valuable soldiers in the military are the Colonels. Why? There are several reasons:

1. For starters, they actually do work. They still hold duty positions that put them in combat zones, so they experience real military life at the front instead of behind a desk in some office somewhere.
2. They're responsible for large numbers of people that report to them. They have to provide for the care and well-being of these people, and ensure they are being effective in their respective jobs and positions.
3. They feed information up the chain of command to the desk jockeys, and craft the strategies of war that Generals usually take credit for. Generals don't know the intricacies of life at the front because too often they sit around a mahogany table somewhere smoking cigars and drinking expensive brandy; meanwhile Colonels are sleeping in the field.
4. These are the people that the Generals have entrusted to lead the military. The Generals know what they're doing. They've already put in their time, and once they become Generals it's time to kick back a bit. The Colonels can handle it, and the Colonels do the work because one day they hope to be Generals themselves.

So in business, why is it that the CEO and executive management teams often don't heed the counsel of their Colonels? Seth Godin calls them linchpins. These are the people that executive management has entrusted with significant responsibility. They feed information up the chain of command, they're responsible for significant resources and people, and they're actually working on the front lines of business. Why is it then that when the Colonels show up to a management team meeting with any input that runs counter to the establishment's assumptions they get reprimanded or worse? Do the Generals of business really just want yes men and women? If so, the corporate army is doomed.

Listen to the freakin' Colonels. They know more than the Generals do.

Weeds

Today was a day to pull weeds from the garden. They were starting to take over what otherwise is a nice flower and herb garden with a fledgling strawberry bush in the corner.

Weeds are an inconvenience, an intrusion, and generally a pain to deal with. Weeds creep in often unnoticed and grow slowly until one day we realize that an infestation is taking place. Weeds compete with other plants and choke off the supply of nutrients and water that are available from the soil. In the worst of conditions, weeds can tower over good plants and deprive them of sunlight. It's at this point that the garden ceases to be a garden and becomes a jungle of weeds.

Life has weeds too. We allow unhealthy behaviors to creep in unnoticed and grow slowly until we find ourselves in the midst of an infestation. The joy in life and the essence of living are choked off by these "life weeds," and they can grow to the point of overshadowing us. Life can become a jungle.

Weeds seem to always grow back, especially if the area in question was previously covered with them. The solution for weeds is regular weeding by literally pulling the weeds up and digging the root out. Sometimes we need to cut some plants and prune the garden in order to get at these weeds. It's tough, painful work, but in the end this is the only way to ensure a healthy garden.

How often do you dig up the roots and cut out the weeds in life? What do you need to dig up and cut out today?

Justice

"Peace was not made for the sake of justice, but justice for the sake of peace." - Martin Luther

"It is justice, not charity, that is wanting in the world." - Mary Wollstonecraft

Most of us would prefer to avoid conversations on the topic of justice. Invariably they lead to questions regarding what is just and what is not. Often we find ourselves in the uncomfortable position of defending whether a certain punishment is just or unjust. Should we spank unruly children or counsel them, is capital punishment just or unjust, and who gets to decide? It's these conversations that we don't look forward to.

Here's the thing about justice: as difficult as it is to stomach sometimes, Luther was right. Justice exists for the sake of peace, and there is no peace without justice. Thus the virtue in justice. Right actions, right behavior, and the peace and prosperity we experience as a result are tied strongly to the virtue of justice. Those who live in unjust societies often tell us that in the best of moments there is still no peace.

We desire justice because justice brings with it stability, security, peace, and opportunity.

"Evil men do not understand justice, but those who seek the LORD understand everything." - Proverbs 28:5

"But let justice flow like water, and righteousness, like an unfailing stream." - Amos 5:24

Mudslides and Scars

You're thinking, "what in the world could this post be about?"

What do mudslides and scars have in common? Read on.

Several roads are just this week being reopened after massive flooding recently effected middle Tennessee. Many of these were closed due to mudslides, some of which completely covered the roads and made them impassable. Many of my friends in southern California can relate. Seasonal mudslides there can wipe out entire neighborhoods and communities.

Mudslides are a lot like scars in that they change the face of the landscape. I have a scar on my hand - the result of a puncture wound from a broken bottle (don't ask). That scar has forever changed the landscape of my hand. Every time I look at it I'm reminded of the circumstances that brought about the scar. Mudslides are the same. They change the landscape - they reshape and reform what previously existed, and act as a reminder of what once was.

Our scars and mudslides in life remind us of what once was. They remind us of the events and circumstances that changed the landscape. If we are wise enough to allow it, they offer us an opportunity to learn from those events and circumstances, and be better off as a result.

Milestones

Tomorrow my daughter is graduating from preschool. It's an important milestone regardless of what the critics might say. She'll carry the memory for years to come and it will be memorialized forever in pictures and video.

When we think about milestones it's often from the perspective of the participant. We remember our own graduation exercises, our first jobs, the first kiss, these things are etched into the permanent memory of our minds. What we often overlook is equally significant. Personal milestones are simultaneously moments for non-participants to be reminded of the joys of life. I'm not graduating from preschool tomorrow, but I will reflect on the first few years of my daughter's life and all that she has meant to me. I'll consider all the love, discipline, instruction, and conversation that we've enjoyed. I'll watch an epic movie in my mind that chronicles her life from birth up until this magical moment. Without life's milestones, I would have fewer opportunities to go through this mental and emotional exercise. Because of them, I get to regularly participate in some of life's greatest joys over and over again.

Consider this, every time someone around you experiences a milestone, you experience it with them. You have an opportunity to take part from your seat and from your own personal vantage point. You will see something much different than the person sitting next to you. You will see all the experiences and adventures that you've shared over the years with the person who is participating in the milestone. This becomes a mini-milestone of its own, something highly personal, exceptionally unique, that can never be recreated and will never be experienced by another human being in this lifetime. Your view is uniquely yours, and it provides an opportunity to celebrate and enjoy all that life is, through the accomplishments of others.

My daughter will graduate from preschool tomorrow, and in a very special, unique, one-of-a-kind way, so will I.

The Rear View Mirror

I drive a 10 year old pickup truck that has 125,000 miles on the odometer. Really, it's just a nicer and newer version of the truck I used to drive. This particular vehicle model has a design flaw. The rear view mirror simply falls off after the first four or five years. I've experienced this with both of my tucks. You can try to reinstall the mirror, but I can tell you from experience that it's just not going to stay.

When this first happened, it was an irritant. I had become dependent on my rear view mirror, and was constantly looking to see what was behind me. Now I quite frankly don't care what's behind me. I've come to appreciate the forward looking view.

There are plenty pf obvious parallels here. Don't drive through life while staring into the rear view mirror. You'll miss the scenery of life as it passes by and you'll likely wreck your life by being preoccupied with the past. You can glance back, but don't stare. The rear view mirror is intended to remind you of what's behind, but not distract you from what's ahead.

Fuel

I was involved in a lot of running this past weekend. There was a 5K run for charity nearby, followed shortly thereafter by my usual weekend run, then my son (having been at the 5K and watching everyone else run) wanted me to go for a run with him. Toward the end of my last run I started to feel depleted, hungry, lacking strength and energy. I was out of fuel. I had burned off everything that my body had to offer and was approaching the end of my available resources.

Life is like that sometimes. There are things in life that energize us and fuel our passions and aspirations. There are also those things that deplete us of that energy and spend our fuel. A couple of important lessons come to mind as I reflect on fuel.

Select good sources of fuel. What fuels you? Are you running on low grade crude that is inefficient and wears down the engine parts of your life, or are you selecting high quality premium fuels as your source of energy and motivation?

What do we do when we're out of fuel? Do you recognize when the tank is getting low and take appropriate action to refuel? Are there regular pit stops along the road of life that allow you to keep gas in your tank without running the risk of going completely dry?

Something fuels all of us. Here's to selecting good quality fuels, and keeping the tank adequately filled for the adventures and challenges of life.

Old Black and White Movies

I'm a fairly young guy, but I find myself enamored with old black and white movies. I enjoy them so much more than their modern counterparts. Why? Dialogue.

For the most part, the formula for modern movies is basically the same: action sequences, special effects, dramatic soundtrack, huge production and marketing budgets. The script doesn't have to be stellar, and the dialogue between actors and actresses doesn't really have to be that good. We've become so conditioned to the dramatic score and explosive special effects that the conversation is secondary. I guess art really does imitate life after all.

Rewind to the movies of 60 or 70 years ago, and you'll find something extraordinary. The talent always carries the movie. Scripts are exceptionally well-written. Conversation is king. People actually talked to one another 60 years ago, so it was common to find movies that reflected that part of life.

We're not a conversational society anymore. We avoid dialogue, and something of great value has been lost when we can no longer talk to one another and enjoy it.

Worth watching:

To Have and Have Not (1944)
Macau (1952)
His Kind of Woman (1951)
Sabrina (1954)
Casablanca (1942)
The Thin Man (1934)

Mercy

"We hand folks over to God's mercy, and show none ourselves." - George Eliot [Marian Evans Cross]

Mercy is the act of withholding a punishment that is rightfully due. We tend toward justice in our responses to transgressions. Justice is a virtue to be sure, and I'll write on that one in the weeks to come, but the greatest leaders, parents, and mentors exercise equal parts justice and mercy. The heavy hand of justice without mercy is absolute hell to live under. On the other end of the spectrum, Edward Young once said, "A God all mercy is a God unjust." We need both justice and mercy in order to understand and appreciate the value and importance of both.

I recently read an account of a modern day prodigal who had taken all that he had, left home, and blew it all on drugs, alcohol, and rebelliousness. One day he came to his senses and called his dad from a pay phone to ask if he could come home and start over. What would you expect the dad to say?

What the dad actually said was, "Come home and know that nothing you have done will ever be mentioned here again." That's what mercy looks like. It sure would be nice to see more.

"Blessed are the merciful, because they will be shown mercy." - Matthew 5:7

"Be merciful, just as your father also is merciful." - Luke 6:36

The Establishment

I find myself dangerously close to offending the establishment these days. I'm sure you know exactly the kind of thing I'm talking about - a bureaucratic hierarchy that's deeply entrenched and primarily concerned with their own self-preservation. You can find these groups everywhere, in business, religion, politics, family dynamics, etc. The establishment exists everywhere there are people.

Typically the establishment is over protective and slow to respond. They like big productions and complex programs. They prefer slow movements of large groups. All of these things provide the establishment with a sense of control and power, without consideration for value or worth.

What frustrates me most about the establishment is their willingness to completely ignore new innovation and opportunities for improvement if it disrupts the status quo. Moreover, when individuals speak out against this ignorance, the establishment often perceives this constructive criticism and opportunity for improvement as a threat, and targets that perceived threat for elimination, which only serves to perpetuate the problem.

Here's the point: the best way to preserve self is to outperform expectations. It's easier to do that when you actually choose to take advantage of positive opportunities.

When People Lose Their Humanity

I read a news story recently about a drug addicted young woman who was shot and killed while participating in a botched break-in. I read the news as I usually do, with detachment and objectivity, until the reader comments posted below the story caught my eye.

Most of the comments were celebrating the woman's death as a victory for the homeowner and the second amendment, which guarantees the right of the people to keep and bear arms. Now, I'm all for the second amendment. People should have the right to protect themselves from life threatening harm if they so choose, but surely that right doesn't give us moral license to celebrate and even take pleasure in death.

I find no place within the realm of reasonable humanity for comments like "some get what they deserve," or "rock on...too bad he didn't plug the other two..." I doubt the homeowner feels the same. In fact, I'm wiling to bet that the homeowner is emotionally and psychologically traumatized over knowing that he ended this woman's life, and I'm also willing to bet that the events of that night will forever be etched into his memory where they will be carried for the rest of his life. I doubt he's throwing himself a party today. It's more likely that he's embracing his loved ones and seeking trauma counseling.

Aren't even criminals due some degree of compassion as human beings? This was someone's daughter, someone's mother. Don't misunderstand me. I'm not advocating that crimes should go unpunished, or that the homeowner wasn't justified in acting to protect his family, but punishing crimes and providing protection are very different from a cavalier enjoyment of death.

We need to remember a couple of things as we go through this life:

1. All of us are just one wrong decision away from being in a similar situation or worse.
2. All of us deserve much worse than what we've been given in this lifetime.

We've all danced a little too closely with the devil at times in life. In those moments, some go over the edge of the abyss. We're all vulnerable.

When was the last time you got what you really deserved? After all, we're all criminals.

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." - Romans 3:23

I'm glad Jesus decided to take compassion on criminals, including a criminal like me.

Then one of the criminals hanging there began to yell insults at Him: “Aren’t You the Messiah? Save Yourself and us!” But the other answered, rebuking him: “Don’t you even fear God, since you are undergoing the same punishment? We are punished justly, because we’re getting back what we deserve for the things we did, but this man has done nothing wrong.” Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when You come into Your kingdom!” And He said to him, “I assure you: Today you will be with Me in paradise.” - Luke 23:39-43

Do What You're Supposed to be Doing

I recently read an account of a teacher/preacher who was doing the work that he should have been doing, when a group of critics began to challenge him by asking for his credentials and wanting to know who had authorized the work. After a truly brilliant exchange whereby the teacher/preacher completely avoids their attempt at entrapment, he goes back to doing what he was supposed to be doing, undeterred by their criticism. It was almost as if he was telling them that their petty inquisition wasn't worth dealing with, and that he was going back to work instead.

I wonder how often you and I get sidetracked or derailed by the entrapment techniques of our critics. When we engage them in battle on their terms, we often forfeit the valuable work that we were doing, and trade what was valuable and meaningful for a completely useless, unproductive, and distracting digression.

The next time your critics come calling, remember what's important - remember what has priority, and just continue to do what you're supposed to be doing. The critics simply aren't worth it.

For reference, see the Gospel of Luke, chapter 20, verses 1-8.

The Next Thing

I have these rare moments when I look around and say, "OK, what's next on the list." Funny thing - there always seems to be something that I can find to do. This philosophical exchange that takes place between me and myself is a very interesting one. If I'm cognizant enough, I realize that simply asking the question indicates that I'm having a moment of downtime. Yet, I find myself acting to eradicate the downtime, the result of a psychological panic induced by not actively doing something. If I'm aware of and recognize this phenomenon, then I'm capable of resisting the urge of the lizard brain to refill my recently emptied plate again. Most times though, we don't even realize what's happening.

So much of my day is often consumed by the endless act of filling my plate with stuff to do, then methodically working to clear it again. But once it's actually clear I don't find myself resting in the sense of accomplishment and enjoying a cold one while I prop my feet up. I find myself scurrying to refill the very plate I've just emptied. Why is that?

Our culture and society is losing the ability to rest and enjoy it. It's OK to have an empty list, an empty plate, a hole that has successfully been filled in. We must give ourselves permission to rest and enjoy it. It's a skill we've forgotten and need to relearn.

Intentional Relationships

Relationships don't flourish by accident. If we desire deep, meaningful relationships with others we must be intentional. It's a frequent occurrence that old friends fall away over time and new friends are made. This phenomenon reflects our level of intentional investment as we relate to other people.

As we reduce the amount of intentional effort we put forward in relating to others, those relationships atrophy, eventually wither, and die. When we increase the amount of intentional time and effort we expend on relationships, they grow and flourish.

The difficult part is that we simply can't invest in everything and everyone. We have to choose what we make time for and how we spend that time. This causes us to pick and choose who we invest in and who we don't, which leads us to the conclusion that some people just aren't as relationally important as others - they don't mean as much. That's tough to stomach.

How about a different perspective. If we invested in building intentional relationships with people that aren't as invested as we are, what would the end result be? Our relationships wouldn't be as vibrant, deep, or meaningful, and we would actually be an impediment to our counterparts enjoying vibrant, deep, and meaningful relationships.

It's OK to intentionally invest in what produces the best return on investment, even in relationships. The tricky part is defining what constitutes best return on investment.

Mom

Moms are unbelievable. Consider for a moment all that Moms are, all that they do, all that they are responsible for. Where would we be without our moms? We couldn't survive without them.

Consider what we ask of moms. Their responsibility is to bring us into the world - to bear children. They go through the pain and discomfort of pregnancy, labor, and delivery for what? At the end of the day we all leave our moms. We go out into the world and build lives of our own. I know of no other people, other than moms, who endure the pain and suffering of bringing children into the world, care for them, raise them, teach them, train them, protect them, provide for them, and nurture them, only to ultimately set them free to lives of their own forever while watching from the sidelines as life moves on.

There is no one living today who does not owe an unpayable debt of gratitude to their mother. Today is a perfect day to repay just a small portion of that debt. Love your mother and treat her well.

Margin

How much margin do you have in life? You know, the extra time, money, and energy that can be devoted to random opportunities that emerge at a moment's notice.

Without margin we can't respond to unplanned circumstances or opportunities, which in turn means that we aren't available in the most important of life's moments. Without extra room in our finances we can't respond to emergencies or help others in need. Without extra room in our schedules we can't spend time talking to our neighbors or enjoying a relaxing walk with the family. Without extra energy in our tanks we can't function at the most productive levels personally or professionally.

Having margin in life means being misunderstood. Our society and culture expects us to always be moving and shaking, always doing something or going somewhere. The moment you begin to build in a little margin you'll find that you have more down time, and people will criticize that. The perception is that if you have down time you're either lazy or inept, maybe both. Generating margin will cause criticism. Why? Because generating margin means saying no - turning down commitments of our time, money, effort, etc.

People don't like to be told no, so they criticize. They misunderstand. If they only knew the value of being able to access relationships, finances, and strength when it's really important, they might have a greater appreciation for occasionally being told no.

Integrity

"If everyone were clothed with integrity, if every heart were just, frank, kindly, the other virtues would be well-nigh useless, since their chief purpose is to make us bear with patience the injustices of our fellows." - Moliere (Jean Baptiste Poquelin)

"Does one's integrity ever lie in what he is not able to do? I think that usually it does, for free will does not mean one will, but many wills conflicting in one man. Freedom cannot be conceived simply." - Flannery O'Connor

What is integrity exactly? Webster uses words like complete, unbroken, whole, entire, unimpaired, sound, upright, honest, and sincere to define the term. Piece of cake, right? Not likely. Integrity isn't a virtue that you just pick up one day. It's a constant struggle and strain to pursue, and I'm not sure we ever really achieve it. It's more like we strive toward achieving it, never fully obtaining it, but hopefully draw closer each day.

Integrity is an important virtue because it is foundational. Many other virtues rest upon the foundation of integrity. Without integrity so much else just falls apart. It's also an important virtue because of what it produces in our lives. Integrity guides us in our decisions toward right actions and outcomes.

"Surely You desire integrity in the inner self, and You teach me wisdom deep within." - Psalm 51:6

"The integrity of the upright guides them, but the perversity of the treacherous destroys them." - Proverbs 11:3

Fatigue

I'm tired. The last few days have been long ones. They start early and end late, and I find myself equally engaged in both mental and physical work. Both have been exceptionally difficult this week. I'm beat, and there's still plenty of work to be done before the week is over.

Fatigue is a funny thing. We can suffer from it or revel in it, depending on the circumstances. Fatigue brought on by undue stress, pressure, or general stupidity can wear us out, but fatigue resulting from hard work and accomplishment helps us sleep better at night. We know we've made a difference - we've done something of value.

Here's to many more fatigue filled nights of the second kind.

Helpless or Hopeless

Many of you know that I live in a suburb just south of Nashville, TN. Over the last few days we've experienced unprecedented flooding throughout the state. Thousands of individuals are without homes, property damage is extensive, and there have been nearly 30 reported deaths.

I spent the entirety of yesterday afternoon in one of the areas hit hardest by the floods. While I was gutting homes of furniture, carpeting, housewares and other goods, I was also listening. I want to recount for readers a couple of things that I heard.

In one of the conversations, a young woman told me that she felt helpless. The devastation was immense, indiscriminate, and overwhelming. She was so overwhelmed by the amount of need that it brought her to tears. This young woman suffered absolutely no damage to her own home, but felt immense compassion for those around her that had experienced loss. Even so, there hadn't been an opportunity for her to do very much to help. This compassionate desire to help, coupled with what are very minimal opportunities at this point, was driving her to the breaking point. She wanted to help so badly, but just couldn't do anything yet, and it made her feel helpless. She desperately wanted to help, but had to wait for an opportunity - for the waters to recede, for roads and access to damaged areas to reopen - she had to wait, helplessly. She wanted to help, but couldn't.

By contrast, one resident who had been severely impacted by the flood waters told me that she felt hopeless. She had lost everything. Her entire home had been submerged in 20 feet of water for three days. Furniture, housewares, and clothing were all completely ruined, and if that weren't enough, the worst part of the loss were pictures, photos of times past, memories lost forever to the disaster.

I'm glad I talked to the young woman who felt helpless first, because she provided me with the perfect encouragement for the hopeless woman that I encountered later in the day.

There is a small, nuanced, but significant difference between feeling helpless and hopeless. The hopeless are destitute emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally, and socially. They lose all sense of grounding and are swept away in a sea of despair. That's exactly what my hopeless lady late in the day was dealing with. What could rescue her from the emotional flood that she was experiencing after the actual flood? What could give her hope in the midst of her hopelessness?

Help.

Help is what the hopeless need. The hopeless woman was greatly encouraged as I recounted my previous conversation. I explained to the hopeless woman that I had just spoken with another person who was distraught and heartbroken over the losses that people were experiencing, and couldn't wait to get into the areas in need in order to provide help. To know that there is an army of compassionate helpers, waiting with bated breath to charge in, pick up others who have fallen down, and provide support and assistance, restores hope to the hopeless.

Help is what the hopeless need. Today I got to experience first-hand what happens when the hopeless hear that help is coming - that help is literally on the way. Hopelessness turns to tears of gratitude and thanks.

Help the hopeless.

30 Days Later

It's been thirty days since I began writing this blog. I like celebrating important milestones, so it seemed appropriate to reflect at this point.

I hope that those of you who read this blog have been positively impacted by what you've found here. I'll admit that every day, every post, is not for every person, but generally speaking they're all valuable to some degree. I hope you're finding that value. Even more, I hope you're passing it along to friends and family who might also benefit.

I've already heard from many of you - what you liked, what you didn't like, topics you'd like to hear me write about - keep sending me that feedback. Nothing is off the table at this point, and I appreciate the give and take of good dialogue. That dialogue is what makes this blog so unique. Most of the time these random thoughts are born out of real moments of interaction with real people.

I'm always thinking about things, reflecting on what I've seen or heard, and I hope you are too. Tell me what you see, tell me what you hear, tell me what you'd like to hear more about. I want you guys to feel a sense of ownership in this little endeavor too - after all, I am doing this for you.

Thanks for the first thirty days.

The Marathon Meeting

You know what I'm talking about. They start at some ridiculous hour of the morning, last all day, and lose any sense of value or productivity after the first hour. The marathon meeting is by far the worst invention of modern commercial enterprise because it sucks the life of out participants, decreases productivity, and stifles creativity.

At the end of the day, if the best your people can do to stay awake after a six hour marathon meeting is crack jokes that only make sense to the delirious or clinically insane, you might want to reconsider the value of the meetings.

Withdrawal

Life is an active endeavor. There is activity all around us. We continually rush to and fro from meetings to sporting events, to meals, and even engagements with friends and family. We are always on the move, and we are always caught up in the tumult of movement that is such a big part of life.

This has a tendency to wear on us. It wears us down and wears us out. We find ourselves fatigued, spent, exhausted, and in need of repair. When the world presses in on us to this degree, how should we respond? What is the correct response as we try to regain a sense of balance and proportion in life?

I suggest that we withdraw. Consider the effects of withdrawal. To withdraw for a time is to be refreshed. We get to hit the reset button when we withdraw from the stresses and pressures of life. Withdrawal provides an opportunity to reflect on the things that are truly important in life and rebalance our priorities. This in turn, puts us in a better position to manage the hustle and bustle of life upon returning because we have a clearer understanding of what matters and what doesn't. We know what we can let drop and what we can't.

Withdrawal offers peace, quiet, comfort, rest, and so much more, yet we ignore the need to withdraw. We've been duped by our own false sense of strength and stamina into believing that we can keep going indefinitely. We're wrong. We can't. We need to withdraw.

"When Jesus heard that John had been arrested, He withdrew into Galilee." - Matthew 4:12

"When Jesus became aware of this, He withdrew from there. Huge crowds followed Him, and He healed them all." - Matthew 12:15

"When Jesus heard about it, He withdrew from there by boat to a remote place to be alone. When the crowds heard this, they followed Him on foot from the towns." - Matthew 14:13

"When Jesus left there, He withdrew to the area of Tyre and Sidon." - Matthew 15:21

"Yet Jesus often withdrew to deserted places and prayed." - Luke 5:16

"When the apostles returned, they reported to Jesus all that they had done. He took them along and withdrew privately to a town called Bethsaida." - Luke 9:10

"Then Jesus withdrew from them about a stone’s throw, knelt down, and began to pray." - Luke 22:41

"Therefore, when Jesus knew that they were about to come and take Him by force to make Him king, He withdrew again to the mountain by Himself." - John 6:15

Discipline

"Discipline is the soul of an army. It makes small numbers formidable; procures success to the weak, and esteem to all." - George Washington

"No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it yields the fruit of peace and righteousness to those who have been trained by it." - Hebrews 12:11

We don't like to be disciplined. We like to say that we are disciplined people, but we rarely mean that. To be a disciplined people would require submitting to discipline, a virtue that, because of its very nature, we often try to avoid.

We try to avoid discipline because it's painful and often embarrassing. Discipline reminds us that we've done something wrong. It exposes our failures and insecurities - those areas of life we've not yet mastered.

Why are we disciplined? One the one hand there are the sadists who would discipline with a heavy hand at every foreseeable opportunity just for the sake of indulging their own sensibilities, but that certainly wouldn't fall into the virtuous form of discipline I'm talking about here. On the other hand, there is the discipline of an exceptional manager who does so for the sake of correction and fostering the professional growth and development of his subordinates. There is the discipline of a loyal and devoted spouse who desires the best from and for her husband. There is the discipline of a loving father that is useful for teaching and training.

Discipline - it hurts, it's painful, and we don't like it when we're going through it, but it matures and refines us. Good discipline is a healthy mix of love, correction, and a desire for our best.

"For the LORD disciplines the one He loves, just as a father, the son he delights in." - Proverbs 3:12